I brought cucumber chunks for my mid-morning snack. As I was peeling, coring, and chunking away, Harriet sat intently at my feet, twin slingers spouting from each side of her mouth. The damned dog was drooling for cucumbers.
Tag: food
That’ll Learn Me
I thought I’d have something moderately healthy for breakfast: poached egg on toast. I’m really picky about eggs, and will only eat them if they’re prepared Just Right. Poached eggs are one of my favorites, though. Mmmm
So, I started to make toast and cracked my egg into a bowl. I set the bowl on the stove and waited for the water to boil. When it began bubbling happily, I picked up the bowl and promptly dropped it. I’m a dork, you see, and didn’t stop to think that a ceramic bowl sitting rightthehellnextto a hot burner might get, oh, I dunno, a little warm maybe. Very warm, actually. I burned the hell out of my hand when I picked it up. The egg splattered all over the place when it fell. Half of it seems to have fallen into the burner pan, where it cooked to a crisp. The rest of it either coated the spice bottles next to the stove or ran down the front and sides of the stove-side cabinet.
I’m over the idea of poached eggs, so now I have to figure out what to do with cold toast. Maybe the birds will eat it? And I can’t even clean the burner pan–or cook anything else–until it cools off. Microwaving oatmeal would’ve been much safer.
So now I’m sitting here with an ice cube wrapped in a paper towel, typing whenever my hand gets too cold. I’m just glad that I managed to remember to buy paper towels, because I don’t even want to think of how else I would’ve cleaned up that unholy mess.
Can I go back to bed now?
Harriet Brown Loves a Good Salad
It cracks me up when Harriet sits like this. She reminds me of an old man slouched in a Lazy Boy, watching tv and drinking a beer. She–formerly known as The Dog Who Does Not Drool–had another slinger fest last night while I was eating a salad. I cannot imagine that mere romaine, radicchio, cucumbers, scallions, or tomatoes were responsible for the waterworks. And, I cannot imagine that the lemon juice and kosher salt I dressed it with were, either. It’s official: my dog is a freak. But, she’s a Boxer, so we already knew that.
Is this week over yet? The wind last night was unbelievable. It made the electricity flicker off and on all night, which meant I overslept because my alarm clock lost it’s mind. Yuck. Traffic is bad enough at 5:30am. By 7am, it’s bumper-to-bumper all the way to Bloomington. I ended up going the back way, to avoid the Hwy 46 wind tunnel, but traffic was still heavy.
But! Guess what I heard this morning, as I was getting into my car? Geese. Lots and lots of geese. The wee geesies are returning, so that’s something to be cheerful about. I think.
Oh, and before I forget, if you’re looking for that perfect gift for the man in your life, why not an heirloom quality mink penis cosy? I hear it’s what all the best dressed men will be wearing this Spring. Surely, my sources cannot be wrong.
In the far less bizarre world of template news (because, you know there had to be some) I have tarted up (or should that be dressed down?) the gallery. The lurking shadow man is gone, as is the ass-ugly grid pattern on the top left. The stripey bits are gone, too, and I’ve changed the fonts to mirror the blog font family. About the only things left that bug me are the upper navigation buttons (I’m just not enjoying the rounded, shadowed look) and the lack of a banner image. I may play around with adding an image to the header, but will probably not get too motivated to de-fancify the buttons. That sounds too much like work to me.
Instant Review: Pomegranate Juice
I mentioned that this was food co-op delivery day, right? I forgot that I’d ordered pomegranate juice. Oh my! It’s just about the yummiest thing I’ve ever tasted. It’s not sweetened, so it’s tart, like really, really good lemonade. Mmmm.
I haven’t had pomegranates in years. Every once in awhile I see them at the grocery store and am tempted, but they’re so much work to eat, that I decide against it. I remember, though, when I was five years old, eating a pomegranate while playing outside. My memory is that it was cold out. We lived in a little bungalow a few blocks from Lake Michigan. There were concrete lions flanking the front steps and concrete statues in the yard, which was entirely enclosed by hedges. It was a wonderful, private place to play make believe games. That day I wandered around outside, by myself, eating my pomegranate and making up stories in my head about the secret lives of the statues.
Pomegranates remind me of that day.
Space Food Sticks
I periodically wrack my brain, trying to remember a particular candy treat from my childhood. They were little chocolate-y sticks, wrapped in a foil tube. Aside from that, all I could remember is that they were vaguely connected with space or astronauts. I was starting to think I’d hallucinated them, because everyone I described them to gave me a look like I must be smoking crack. Maybe I was. But noooooo! I finally tracked them down: Space Food Sticks.
I believe my day’s work is done.
Brownies of Dqqm!1!!
I like my brownies to be chewy, with a crispy crust. They must also be rich tasting, with a nice balance between sweet, chocolatey goodness and salty (real) buttery-ness. After years of tweaking, I have finally achieved what I consider The Perfect Brownie. They’re easy peasy to make (prep takes about 5-10 minutes, tops), and don’t require any of what I consider “non-basic” ingredients, like baking chocolate. You can add chopped nuts, but I tend to be a purist.
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/8 tsp salt
6 Tbls butter (not margarine or shortening!)
1 tsp vanilla (again, the real thing, not imitation, vanilla flavored gunk)
2 eggs
Add all the dry ingredients to a bowl and whisk together to blend and remove any lumpy bits. Microwave the butter in a microwave safe dish (I use a Pyrex measuring cup), just until melted. You don’t want it too hot, because it will cook the eggs when you add them. Remove and add the vanilla and eggs. Pierce the egg yolks and stir them into the butter until they’re loosely incorporated. Don’t whip them or worry about thoroughly mixing them, though. Less is more! Pour into the dry ingredients and gently mix until everything is blended. The batter will probably be thicker than what you are accustomed to when making brownies, but It’s Okay. Promise.
Pour into a greased 8″ or 9″ round pan and bake at 325F for about 20-30 minutes. I’ve found that cooking time varies widely, even when baked in the same oven. Also, my oven is a runs hot, so you might need to adjust your temperature and/or cooking time accordingly.
This makes super chewy brownies, with a caramelized crust. They’re a little on the thin side, but that’s what allows them to be crispy and chewy. If they get much thicker, they become cakey, which would make them ineligible for the title of Brownies of Dqqm.
Cookie, Cookie, Cookie Starts with C
I stopped off at the grocery store on my way home yesterday to pick up lemons and brussels sprouts.
Brussels sprouts are one of the most perfect foods in the world. I like to halve or quarter them, depending on size, and sautee them in butter and olive oil. When they’re nearly done, I remove them from the pan, add a touch more oil, if needed, and toss in some black mustard seeds. After the seeds have popped, I return the sprouts to the pan and coat them in the seeds, then remove the pan from the heat. Splash a little lemon juice onto the sprouts and season with Kosher salt (and pepper, if that’s your kink), and enjoy. Mmmm.
So, anyway, the grocery store I went to, Marsh, keeps the brussels sprouts right across from the baked goods. All the while I was selecting my sprouts, there was a box of Lofthouse cookies–chocolate!–calling to me. I could barely hear the sweet song of the brussels sprouts above the din of the cookies, so I eventually succumbed. Resistance was futile.
The grown-up in me says that cookies and brussels sprouts do not a supper make, but the five-year old in me disagrees. Some days, the five-year old gets to make those sorts of decisions.
Good Morning
(Have you ever had cheese toast with a hint of cinnamon? Well, I cannot unrecommend it enough. I made cinnamon and sugar toast in my toaster oven last night, then cheese toast this morning, and the cheese toast has a slight bouquet of cinnamon. It is Teh Ptoui.)
So, anyway, I stopped at the Circle K-Bigfoot-BP-Mac’s-Whatever on 17th & College this morning, to get my daily dose of tasty beverageness. I can usually tell who is working the register by what music they’re playing: hip hop, bluegrass, NPR, B97 (manic top 40), or 92.3 (the dreaded “Quality Rock” station). And then there’s the Counting Crows guy, who reminds me so much of one of my former students that it kind of creeps me out when he’s working. This morning, though, the artsy looking guy, who usually listens to NPR, had T. Rex’s “Cosmic Dancer” playing. The funny thing was that I was listening to “The Slider” in the car.
I have a feeling it’s going to be one of Those days.
Instant Review: Baking a Cake
It’s cold and snowy, so baking a cake seemed like the obvious thing to do. One of my favorites is cockeyed cake–the cake you make when you don’t have any cake-making ingredients in the house. No butter? No eggs? No baking powder? No milk? No problem! Bake a cockeyed cake. Which I did. Except, as I was pulling it out of the oven, I dropped the pan and the cake landed on the oven rack, upside down. What a pain in the arse. I had bits of cake everywhere. Not to be deterred, though, I whipped up another one. I will have cake, damnit!
Cockeyed Cake
1 1/2 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup cocoa
1/4 cup cooking oil
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 tbls vinegar
dash of salt
Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl. Mix together the wet ingredients (I measure the water in a 2 cup Pyrex measuring cup, then add the rest of the wet ingredients to it and mix them together). Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix thoroughly. Pour into a greased cake pan and bake at 350F for 20-30 minutes (I really don’t know how long it takes. I test for doneness by pressing the center of the cake gently with a finger, or inserting a fork into it. If the fork comes out clean, it’s done.)
It’s nice and moist, so it’s good unfrosted. Occasionally, we’d make caramelly butterscotch sauce to pour over it. That, too, is easy peasy.
Caramelly Butterscotch Sauce
1 can sweetened condensed milk (you can substitute milk, cream, or evaporated milk, for a less sweet sauce)
1 stick butter (not margarine!)
1 cup brown sugar
dash of vanilla
Chuck it all in a sauce pan and let everything melt together. Bring to boil and cook to soft ball stage. It will brown slightly, which is fine. It’s a thin line between browned and burnt, though, so be careful not to overcook it. Let it cool slightly, then pour it over the warm cake and enjoy.
Cockeyed Cake with Caramel-Butterscotch Icing
Non Sequiturs-a-Go-Go!
- Why do pedestrians insist on J-walking at the slowest possible rate of speed? If you’re going to barge out into the street, in the path of on-coming traffic, the least you could do is pick up the pace a bit. That’s all I’m asking.
- I did some minor clean-up and rearranging on the website. I had somehow missed fixing the navigation links on one page, as well as specifying a background color. I also rounded up the bad poetry I’d posted here, and placed it in the Writing section, along with a new piece, Three Things.
- Shake-n-Bake tofu is damnfinegood. No, really! I hate the texture of tofu, so I’m normally not a fan. However, if you use extra firm tofu, slice it really thinly, coat it with Shake-n-Bake, then bake it until it’s crispy and slightly jerky-like, it’s delicious. Of course, it also isn’t exactly good for you when prepared that way, but whatever. It’s still better for you than potato chips, yes?
- State-by-state GOP Scandal Scorecard. Indiana is fairly well represented, with “Our Man Mitch” leading the pack.
- Walgreens has placed four of its Missouri pharmacists on leave for refusing to fill prescriptions for Plan B. (It is illegal in Missouri for pharmacies that carry birth control pills to refuse sale of Plan B.) That’s all well and good, but the drugstore chain has offered to relocate the employees to states where it’s legal to refuse to dispense certain drugs on moral grounds. So, it’s not like Walgreens is taking a stand. They’re just adhering to state law, and will likely foist their employees off on the less fortunate residents of another state.
- A heaping dose of Christmas kitsch from Going Jesus, in the form of Angels We Have Heard Are High.
- I’m suddenly getting a metric butt-load of hits from searches for “winter sky.” It’s interesting how things like that happen in waves.
red paper boat 