Coworker 1 asked me to water her plants. I warned her about the Black Thumb of DQQM, but she was unimpressed. That’ll learn her.
Then, the next day, the uber-boss asked me to water her plants, and while I was explaining to her why that was a horrible plan, Coworker 2 walked up, butted in, and asked me to water his plants, too. What the hell is wrong with people? Can they not see that mine is the only cube unadorned by green, growing things? And it’s not like I’m the only person working this week.
I’m secretly hoping that Coworker 2’s plants do croak. I wouldn’t deliberately harm them, but if my Plantular Death Ray has to be focused somewhere, it may as well be on his plants as anyone else’s. It’d serve him right for being a buttinsky.
Coworker 1: She left specific instructions to water them on the 26th, and to give the first plant half the container of water, then to split the second half between the other two plants. I did as she said with the first two plants, but the third one is low enough for me to see the dirt. And it was wet. I have a feeling that someone–custodians, perhaps?–watered her plants before I did. I should have felt them first, to see if they were actually dry. Damn! So now, two of her plants are surely swimming in an ocean of water.
Uber-boss: One of her African violets is actually flowering. Please, if there is a God, it will not be dead when she returns.
Coworker 2: Three spider plants, which would be just about impossible for anyone else to kill. We’ll see. I have to water them again on Friday, so it’s early days yet.
red paper boat 